12.07.2011 23 °C
Last night I again watched the movie "Eat, Pray, Love". And I was struck by the ending where when the main character is worried about falling in love and getting lost, i.e. losing her balance within the relationship, the Bali palm reader Ketut says, (I am paraphrasing) "Sometimes you must lose your balance for love, in order for your life to be in balance".
I lost my balance in love when I fell for my husband Chris, and I also have completely lost it for my son Bodhi. I am amazed at the depth of this motherly love that I have heard about, but not understood until now. It is absolutely everything. It might change with time as a new romance changes to become more steady & less impulsive, deeper but not so all-consuming. I find this loss of balance somewhat unsettling, since I like to have my Renaissance life filled with friendship, family, work, love, art, travel, intellectualism, music, adventure...and right now, it is not all that balanced or full. But it IS incredibly rewarding, and I am reminded that it is completely within the path of mindfulness and balance that one, from time to time, finds oneself utterly off-balance. With joy, with love, with pain, with birth.
Today we were supposed to have a 2 1/2-3 hour drive from the town of Lutherstadt Wittenberg, in Saxony Germany, to the small farm town of Bad Rodach. Well, we happened to be about 10 cars behind a major accident, so we waited on the highway for two hours while they gathered emergency vehicles, brought the tow trucks, cleaned the roads, got the entire thing worked out. Part of me was frustrated...I wanted to get to our destination, a spa, and go for a swim. I wanted to eat. I wanted many things. Another part of me thankfully remembered to be grateful that instead of being involved in the accident, I was sitting by the side of the highway thinking about whoever was in the accident who was having a much worse day than me. And I had plenty of time to send them light and healing too. But what really was amazing was how actually, truly enjoyable the waiting was with Bodhi there. We took him out of his carseat and we played with the instrument knobs on the car. He turned dials, flipped switches, turned the steering wheel, moved the volume dial of the radio up and down, up and down. He climbed from front seat to back seat, he pounded on the windows, he laughed at the automatic door locks, he pushed more buttons. He was absolutely thrilled to be in that moment, playing with both of us in the car. It caused me to forget most of my frustration and aggravation that we weren't going to 'get there', and to simply be in the moment with my family. What a gift, and again, what a beautiful lesson from a little one. Had it been just Chris and me, as resourceful as we are, we still would have no doubt been mumbling and complaining about the long wait in the midday heat, our hunger, our needs. Our son helped keep all of those feelings in check and remind us most of all what is important. Not a midday swim, but the health and happiness of family, and the gratitude for this present moment.